Thursday, July 07, 2005

Baby On Board!

We have a baby boy, Justin Matthew, born July 6, 2005; 9lbs11oz; 23 inches long! I was not going to post this tonight, because I was absolutely exhausted. As you can see from earlier posts, this all started Monday night, and with everything did not finish until Wednesday late afternoon (early evening with waiting for Annette to come out of surgery) So from getting up early Monday after a tiring Sunday and not a very good sleep, I am Annette have been awake for 60 hours or so except for an hour here and there (no more than 3-4 total) We are both exhausted and that contributed to the whole story of what happened. I went to bed after sending out and phoning the absolutely vital announcments, but then a neighbor called about an hour later and woke me up so I cannot get back to sleep. So what was our three days like? It was one of the best and worst times of my life. Labor for Annette came and went again and again. She worked so hard, and it was so special having a home birth. However, when she got stalled at 8cm dilation and twice her contractions stopped, our midwife said we really needed to get her some assistance. We went to the Clinton hospital to have an Oncytocin drip given to her to get her contracting and dilating at 7:30 or 8am Wednesday. By this point we were all tired, but the drip worked great and she started to have good contractions and dilated until all that was left was what is called an anterior lip. That is still not all the way to 10cm, but it soon thinned so it could fit over the baby's head and Annette was allowed to push. She tried as hard as she could. She pushed and pushed, but she was exhausted. I was so proud of her and tired to help her as much as I could. She worked so hard for the three days that we had been in labor. By the end, she just could not go on, and even then she pushed. I had tears running down my face as, I think, did everyone else in the delivery room, but Annette was done. The shear amount of strength she showed was amazing. I always kneww she was strong, but she did the labor of three women, and even in the face of exhaustion, she kept trying until the end. The baby came very close to being born vaginally, but we were out of time and energy. So, we opted for a c-section. God truly gave me a wife who is amazing. They got the c-section organized quickly, and got me and our midwife, Susan, gowned up so we could be there with Annette. But, once again things did not go as planned, the epidural did not work, and they opted to use a general anestetic, and we were not allowed in. Through all of this my feelings were flying all over. Pride in Annette. Sadness and disappointment that our hopes of a home birth or even a vaginal birth were gone. Anger at myself for not being the supporting husband I should be, and even though I know better, anger at God for how in his providence he had our hopes and all that work of Annette dashed. It took me a long time to get through all this, and I am sure I am not through it completely yet. The c-section went well, and soon they came with a beautiful baby boy. The problem was I was so conflicted at that moment that I can't say I enjoyed it as much as I would like. Yes, he grabbed my heart right away, but at the same time I felt so . . . so . . . I don't know. It took a while and some tears before I realize that I just need to put it all behind me. Then things became so much better, because Justin is a really great baby. God in his providence has given me someone who grabbed my heart. My prayer is he will grow up not just healthy, but as a person who truly loves and puts his trust in Christ. May God give Annette and I the grace we need to raise this beautiful boy. So as I type this through my tears--tears of sorrow, tears or joy, tears of thankfulness for a wonderful wife and child--I can say the last three days have been some of the best and worst of my life. I would never exchange the experiences of going through labor at home with family around us for support. In my opinion this is one of the most amazing times of fellowship a family can have. I would not, even though part of me wishes it had been different and we had the baby at home, exchange the long period of sharing as much as I can, Annette's labor. Seeing her strength. Holding her. Encouraging her. And all the rest. That too was amazing. And I was so thankful that we had the option of a c-section. The nurses, doctors, surgeons, and all the rest were great, even when I was far from happy at the time. Finally, that little baby is beyond words for me to describe. Now comes the recovery. Physically for Annette 4-6 days in hospital. And then emotionally and all the rest for both or us as we deal with a very stressful three days. Now I need to see if I can sleep.


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