Thoughts after a week

We are a little past a week since Justin was born. The week has been filled with highs and lows. The highs of having Annette get stronger and come home, of Justin feeding well and growing, and of parents who are so very willing to help. But then there are the lows--lows of self doubt, wondering if I can be the father my son will need, lows of exhaustion from a fussy baby who won't go to sleep, and lows of wishing my wife was recovered from everything and knowing it may still be weeks before she is. None of this has been helped by the heat-wave we are going through right now. Day after day of hot, humid weather starts to take its toll as well. Yet, I don't think I would trade any of it, except the hot weather, for anything. As hard as it has been, it has also been good. It has been and continues to be a learning experience on how to balance work and family. My hope is that as the days go by, the learning will progress and will turn into some joy in the doing of all this.

Baby Pics

Here are a pic of Annette and our baby, and one of our baby.

Baby On Board!

We have a baby boy, Justin Matthew, born July 6, 2005; 9lbs11oz; 23 inches long! I was not going to post this tonight, because I was absolutely exhausted. As you can see from earlier posts, this all started Monday night, and with everything did not finish until Wednesday late afternoon (early evening with waiting for Annette to come out of surgery) So from getting up early Monday after a tiring Sunday and not a very good sleep, I am Annette have been awake for 60 hours or so except for an hour here and there (no more than 3-4 total) We are both exhausted and that contributed to the whole story of what happened. I went to bed after sending out and phoning the absolutely vital announcments, but then a neighbor called about an hour later and woke me up so I cannot get back to sleep. So what was our three days like? It was one of the best and worst times of my life. Labor for Annette came and went again and again. She worked so hard, and it was so special having a home birth. However, when she got stalled at 8cm dilation and twice her contractions stopped, our midwife said we really needed to get her some assistance. We went to the Clinton hospital to have an Oncytocin drip given to her to get her contracting and dilating at 7:30 or 8am Wednesday. By this point we were all tired, but the drip worked great and she started to have good contractions and dilated until all that was left was what is called an anterior lip. That is still not all the way to 10cm, but it soon thinned so it could fit over the baby's head and Annette was allowed to push. She tried as hard as she could. She pushed and pushed, but she was exhausted. I was so proud of her and tired to help her as much as I could. She worked so hard for the three days that we had been in labor. By the end, she just could not go on, and even then she pushed. I had tears running down my face as, I think, did everyone else in the delivery room, but Annette was done. The shear amount of strength she showed was amazing. I always kneww she was strong, but she did the labor of three women, and even in the face of exhaustion, she kept trying until the end. The baby came very close to being born vaginally, but we were out of time and energy. So, we opted for a c-section. God truly gave me a wife who is amazing. They got the c-section organized quickly, and got me and our midwife, Susan, gowned up so we could be there with Annette. But, once again things did not go as planned, the epidural did not work, and they opted to use a general anestetic, and we were not allowed in. Through all of this my feelings were flying all over. Pride in Annette. Sadness and disappointment that our hopes of a home birth or even a vaginal birth were gone. Anger at myself for not being the supporting husband I should be, and even though I know better, anger at God for how in his providence he had our hopes and all that work of Annette dashed. It took me a long time to get through all this, and I am sure I am not through it completely yet. The c-section went well, and soon they came with a beautiful baby boy. The problem was I was so conflicted at that moment that I can't say I enjoyed it as much as I would like. Yes, he grabbed my heart right away, but at the same time I felt so . . . so . . . I don't know. It took a while and some tears before I realize that I just need to put it all behind me. Then things became so much better, because Justin is a really great baby. God in his providence has given me someone who grabbed my heart. My prayer is he will grow up not just healthy, but as a person who truly loves and puts his trust in Christ. May God give Annette and I the grace we need to raise this beautiful boy. So as I type this through my tears--tears of sorrow, tears or joy, tears of thankfulness for a wonderful wife and child--I can say the last three days have been some of the best and worst of my life. I would never exchange the experiences of going through labor at home with family around us for support. In my opinion this is one of the most amazing times of fellowship a family can have. I would not, even though part of me wishes it had been different and we had the baby at home, exchange the long period of sharing as much as I can, Annette's labor. Seeing her strength. Holding her. Encouraging her. And all the rest. That too was amazing. And I was so thankful that we had the option of a c-section. The nurses, doctors, surgeons, and all the rest were great, even when I was far from happy at the time. Finally, that little baby is beyond words for me to describe. Now comes the recovery. Physically for Annette 4-6 days in hospital. And then emotionally and all the rest for both or us as we deal with a very stressful three days. Now I need to see if I can sleep.

Labor away!

Well, Annette has been having contractions since Monday night. We were very excited when she reached 8cm dilation, but then after a couple of hours of hard frequent contractions, she had not dilated more, and the baby's head had actually moved up from the cervix, and for about 30-40 minutes there were no contractions. Baby's heart beat was strong, but this could be bad. It could also just indicate that the baby needed to reposition before labor could continue. So Annette went into a position to assist that, and as we lay there for half an hour, I prayed. I always find it amazing how while at first I simply said God get the baby repositioned, after a few minutes of praying my prayer was, God this is in your hands, and you have given us many good things, you do what you know is right, but if it be your will reposition the baby. Happily it seems the baby repositioned well, and labor started again and is even more intense. As of this writing, things are still progressing, so hopefully my next entry will be the announcement of who our new baby is.

Labor Started!!!!

Labor started last night about 9-10pm. Annette started to have more regular contractions when we were out walking the dogs at Pinery Provincial Park, and after we got home they got more intense and more frequent. We asked the mid-wife to come to see how things were going, still not sure if Annette was starting into labor or not. When the mid-wife arrived at 9:30 or so, she found Annette was having good contractions and was 3cm dilated and the baby's head was fully engaged. Since it would take all night for her to fully dilate, (increase of 1cm/hr would be very fast, .5cm/hr would be more usual) she told us to sleep as much as we could. Needless to say Annette did not sleep much what with the hard contractions, and I didn't sleep much because, well, this is exciting and my mind keeps running over what is happening. Things are continuing, and we will phone our parents soon so they can come down. Going into labor was an answer to the prayers of many people. If she had not, we would have had to seen an Ob for a consult and could have ended up having to have the baby in hospital if they said we had to induce, which is not what we desired. But thanks be to God, everything is going naturally!

Still waiting, but something seems to be happening

The count is at 15 days overdue and counting. However, yesterday and today Annette has been having some strong contractions. Yesterday they were quite far a part (55 minutes or so) and did not always follow a regular pattern. Then they seemed to slowly disappear. Today, Annette woke up with lots of energy, and we had a good day together going to a local plant nursery that has a half price sale, and then going to the Pinery to walk the dogs and enjoy the lake. At first Annette only had very infrequent contractions, but as the day progressed they became more frequent. Now they are quite strong and much more frequent. Maybe, just maybe the baby is ready to make an appearance :D

No baby yet.

Well, we are still waiting. Annette and I went to see our Mid-wife again today, and she did a fetal stress test to make sure that everything is ok with the baby. The test showed that the baby is doing well, moving a lot with a good heart rate that matches up well with his/her movements. She also did some other tests and told us that Annette's body is good to go, but the baby's head is not right against the cervix. When the baby's head is against the cervix, labor will probably start. Hopefully for our sanity and sleep that will happen soon. On another note, today was Canada Day. While I cannot say I am pleased with the things our current government has done, especially their redefining of marriage, I must say I am still happy to be a Canadian. It is truly a wonderful country with some great people. God has blessed me to have me born here.